NOW

I liked it better when I didn’t have all these feelings.
all I feel now is disappointment and hurt and sad.
it doesn’t get easier either. been there, done that.
I still get that feeling that everything is closer than expected.
my waterfall? life? death? peace?
what is closer?
I don’t know if I’ve got any more patience now than I had before.
is waiting 5 months and being unable to cope with it impatient?
how long do I have to wait to be considered a patient person?
bah, whatever
I hate this. hate hate hate.
hey, I feel hate again. isn’t that interesting.
despise, hate, anger, fear
I want to destroy something. utterly and completely destroy it.
break it so that it will never go back together the way it came apart.
and when I’m done with that, will I feel peaceful again? will I be able to go a day without being unnecessarily angry?
probably not. once you start on that road, every day is full of anger.
I don’t like being angry. I especially hate getting mad, and being perpetually grumpy like this is really killing me.
I am THROUGH with feeling guilty and responsible for things that I’ve done in my past.
it’s my PAST. I paid for that shit already. You guys owe -me- now.
PEACE.
I
WANT
PEACE