So I’m working at goodwill now.
just started on monday
it’s actually really fun, and I’m learning as much as I can about the specific software (MS RMS stuff).
There’re some things that I find a tad odd about the setup at stores, so I’m trying to get my opinions/experience heard and whatnot. We’ll see how that goes.
it’s really weird not talking to ryry 24/7 (well not exactly 24/7, but all day while he’s at work). I miss hearing him mumble about servers and various restaurants (lucilles!)
hehehe
my stupid verizon phone is acting up. the stupid one xD not the one I talk to ryry with, fortunately. it needs to get replaced. something about the krzr/razr phones seems off or something. my krzr is in perpetual reboot mode. not sure how to get it out 
it takes a matter of hours for the battery to die, instead of a couple of days. I also can’t finish anything, and in the middle of being on the phone or whatever, it’ll freeze, turn black, and then pop back up with the normal boot screen. annoooying.
been using the ry-phone instead (got jason in the fav-5, so I won’t get charged for those fortunately)
my first boyfriend got back in contact with me
it’s been a huge learning experience
he started out wanting to apologize for the way we sorta broke up (and probably what I’d say is the start of my committment issues). He’d run to someone else before you could say boo, and by the time I heard about it, she was pregnant and they were gonna get married. Of course, from my point of view, he’d been cheating on me. From his point of view, I’d been cheating on him. It was really nice to clear everything up and move on from it. He was expecting to disappear (or for me to tell him to get lost) after the apology session, but since pushing people away is the last thing I want to do, we started talking. Been doing so for the past week or so. He’s going through a lot, there’re a lot of life decisions to be made there, and to top everything off, his wife’s about to give birth (Twins!) and he’s got three boys and a stepson. He’s changed a whole hell of a lot, but he’s still the same basic person inside, so he’s responsible. I’ve always admired that in people.
His wife found some logs on gtalk when she was trying to find some emails (she goes on the defensive when she thinks you’re accusing her of something, and her voice changes slightly) of eddie and I talking. She didn’t get very far into them, since parts of it made her feel awful, but after she confronted eddie and got the full story from him, she felt a lot better about everything. She’d called the ry-cell to find out why the number was on their boost-mobile page thingie, and assumed I was someone eddie’d recently added to his friend’s list on myspace (jen). I didn’t answer (didn’t know the phone was ringing) but I called her back, and she answered the phone by yelling at me. It was really odd to get calls from two different women in the span of a month, both of whom were married to friends of mine. I don’t take well to being yelled at (in reality, it makes me cry), but I hate it when people assume things about me or don’t give me the benefit of the doubt. Even worse, I absolutely hate it when they don’t like me. she finally started talking to me normally (I told her about my husband and son), and finally ended the call when her boys started screaming (boys do love to scream! 
)
so I recognized the number when she called (I normally don’t answer the ry-phone, since nobody has the number cept a bunch of telemarketers) and told her I’d call her back (was on my way out the office at work and needed to finish up some wiki stuff). She talked to me for a good half-hour or so. She wanted advice on what to do about keeping eddie, among other things. granted, eddie and I weren’t together for 2 years even, but we spent every waking not-working moment together and talking online. we’ve always had that weird psychic thing, and when he’s around it gets worse. he’s a receiver, and I’m an emitter. He really doesn’t like to emit, at all. I receive, but it is extremely painful for me (mentally. I end up crying for days.) I suppose that’s why he doesn’t like to emit. We both do a little bit of both, though, and when he’s around I can sense other people’s thoughts a hell of a lot more than usual. Usually I just receive thoughts, but when the emotions start coming in, I shut down.
I really had no advice to give her, other than the primary/secondary master/slave analogy. Eddie’s a primary master, and so is she. it doesn’t work very well.
I also mentioned to eddie one day that 90% of their marriage, she’s been pregnant. it isn’t terribly conducive to relationships when one of the people in it is constantly going through hormonal inbalances.
there was some stuff she didn’t realize about eddie, like about his chameleon thing. she knows he does it, but it’d never occured to her that he’d done it to -her-
the only way to make eddie a slave or secondary master is for him to emulate one. he’ll never actually be one.
he’s never reacted well to management, and his wife is very much one, even if she doesn’t see it in herself. You have to be, to be able to look after as many children as she does.
I know eddie is my first love, the first guy I was ever actually in love with. He’s very hazy about who he is right now, and it’ll take a long time for him to find himself. If his wife ever wants things to work out, she’ll have to be patient. I have the same problems with patience: I HAVE NONE!
Of course, now that I’ve had all this closure on that first relationship, everything else is so much clearer. It’s like having my back window finally washed. I know now where I came from, and using that knowledge, I can now move forward with my life. I seriously hope eddie will continue to be part of that as well.
It’s been a tad crazy emotionally, especially with lots of memories coming back, so I stepped back somewhat from feelings for the past week. There’s living -in- the feelings, and then when you step back, you watch your feelings. I saw my reactions, and why I didn’t react the way I expected to in some instances, and everything love-wise just kept coming back to ryry. He’s the second man I’ve ever fallen in love with, but even knowing I love him as much as I do, it was scary for both of us to look at my track-record and wonder where we’d be in 2 years. It’s been, what, 5 months since we got together? Just about. I still remember everything, how our souls just connected. I cried, even, because it was perfect with him. felt like a silly goose for that but REALLY! I can’t help it, I cry at the drop of a hat
the first time he kissed me, his wife’d told him to kiss his girlfriend g’night and come home. I was still in heavy denial about my feelings, and was very very very scared of how i’d react if we did. I got this overwhelming need to touch him, to feel him, so I wrapped my arm around him and squeezed. We held on to eachother for a few minutes, and it felt like every part of me had finally come home. He then tilted my head up and gave me a very chaste kiss. It was so sweet, it rocked me to my toes.
we danced around -those- feelings for another week, hehehe…eventually realizing it was comletely useless to deny what was obviously inevitable. He is my one, my soulmate, the love of my life. I’ve never been able to hide anything from anybody, and Jason knew almost instantly when he came to pick me up at the airport. I feel different. It’s like all the little bits and pieces of me that were broken for so long have finally gotten repaired. I feel whole.
The best part of everything is knowing it’s -exactly- the same for him. He’s not big on poetry, but when he’s in a certain mood, he can be quite poetic.
anyway, there I go rambling again.
sleep sleep! I MUST SLEEP!
I LOVE YOU RYRY!! (even though you gotta log in to see this anyway! hehehe )
just remember
if you love them, let them go. if they come back to you, it’s because they wanted to. if they stay away, you never had them in the first place.
I’m getting way sleepy now
spose Ill go to sleep
haven’t been getting a lot of sleep lately
