I work in tech support in fremont. You get a lot of idiots calling, and most of them are tolerable in the humorous way. I got one today who I discovered was the very last bit of my fuse (which has lasted since last December!!) anyway. this is my rant. enjoy.
this is from months of pent up swear-words I have not allowed myself to repeat externally (outside my brain/iming with coworkers).
1.) I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOUR OTHER UNIT DID IT THAT WAY. our unit does it -this- fucking way, and I wouldn’t tell you to do it this way if your way were WORKING, you DUMBSHIT.
2.) don’t EVER tell me I’m wrong. I’m the one helping your ass. If you knew how to do it, would you be calling like the stupid asshole you are?
3.) RF is the one that screws in — you obviously know nothing about screwing.
4.) I hope you do fucking electrocute yourself trying to set your drive to slave, you stupid cheapskate who won’t even give true technicians their due. They get paid to do it FOR A REASON.
5.) SPEAKING of recording to dvds, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT if a vhs lets you overwite it ten bazillion times. DVDs are not VHS. DVDs are DIGITAL — do you get mad because your DIGITAL watch doesn’t have hands? It’s got date, time, alarm and even STOPWATCH capability, but it doesn’t have hands? go stick your cock in a meatgrinder, nobody needs your genetics screwing the pool
6.) yea, I’m a chick, and I don’t give a shit if you’re sexist. If -you- need help, maybe you’re a girl by your own standards.
7.) go stick your broken out of warranty machine in your ass for all I care. Bitching at me about your state of affairs isn’t going to make me suddenly MORE LIKELY to forego all RMA procedures and magically FIX your unit for you. If anything, you’re likely to end up on my favorite “FUCK YOU TOO” list.
8.) I’m sorry your half-brother’s aunt’s cousin’s uncle’s brother died, but that isn’t going to suddenly make your unit work again.
9.) we make HARDWARE. if your SOFTWARE is screwing up, what the hell do you expect us to do?
10.) DON’T FUCKING LIE. it’s like going to the doctor to find out if you’re pregnant — if you pretend you’ve never had sex, you think he’s gonna figure it’s another immaculate conception? for that matter, how’ll you keep yourself from GETTING pregnant if you pretend like you DIDN’T have sex? shitforbrains. SHIT FOR BRAINS.
11.) whining to my boss isn’t going to suddenly extend your warranty period, so go get ms. immaculate conception up there pregnant and she’ll deny it to the day she births and probably even after that, and you’ll be happy to have FINALLY gotten some even though the chick didn’t even notice and you’ll be OUT OF MY HAIR
12.) if I’m suddenly nice you can BET I’m being my most sarcastic.
13.) RCA cables. they connect DVD players to televisions. it’s like not having to wind up your watch to keep the time going. better picture, better quality recording, everything’s BETTER. If you’re getting a dvd player, get a tv while you’re at it, and you won’t get shitty quality on your shitty tv and you won’t have to bitch about it.
okay most of that didn’t make sense, but shit, I’m fucking TIRED of jerkoffs who know more than I do yet need help setting up a dvd burner. As for those of you who don’t know where to plug a usb cable, well, you’re probably the worst off. Get off the computer, find an abacus, and have fun counting the beads.
